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Love?

#1

Ok so I have a question for all those happily married women of this forum. My question is how did you know your hubby was the one you were going to spend your life with?

The reason I'm asking is because when I meet a guy and start to like him I immediately start seeing if fits the criteria for a husband. I'm not looking at guys in hopes of finding a boyfriend but in finding a husband, I figure best cut to the chase and spend all that time, energy and affection on a guy that I might never even speak to again.

Thank you in advance
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#2

Some people advise against that type of mentality when dating, I did the same thing. And everyone told me not to do that, to not try to focus so much energy on one guy at a time, but date multiples at a time that way I'd have a "pick of the liter" so to speak. That didn't make sense to me personally, so it's not what I did. Every guy and girl I dated (yes I'm bisexual, though I dated more guys than girls, cause well, to be frank girls are crazy lol) I looked at from the git go if I would be able to live my life with this person. When I would talk to a potential date, like if you get someone's number and yall talk before going on a date, the first few questions I asked within the first conversation were... religion preferences, if they wanted children, if they eventually planned to settle down and be married, what their future goals were, morals, etc. Usually after dating I would go deeper into things more intimate, like sexual fantasies, romantic type things, etc. If everything matched up to me or something I could compromise on, I would take it further with them.

Now with every other person I dated it took a bit of prying to get out all the answers I wanted and to see if we were a match or not. But with my husband it was like effortless. Even now our relationship is mostly effortless. And he is not the first long term relationship I had. I was with my son's father for 4 years, and 3 years of it was pure hell. So I know what the difference is between a functioning relationship and a non-functioning one. Everyone has flaws, we are human, so no one will be 100% perfect. So yes we do have to still work to keep each other happy and to maintain a healthy relationship, but it's more effortless when compared to a relationship that is not going to work no matter what you do.

When I met my hubby we talked on the phone a good 4-5 hours. It was on a friday and he then (it was evening by then) asked if he could come over and hang out, as he didn't have plans and strangely the guys hadn't called him to go clubbing. I was hesitant, my head was telling me no, but my heart and gut feeling was saying yes. Everything I ever knew said this was wrong, that I barely knew this guy and it may not be a good idea. He lived 5 hours away, and he drove 5 hours to come see me. We did not start talking to potentially date, it was more as friends really, so I didn't cover the usual questions but somehow they were answered in the conversations we had anyway. Well I asked my mom if she could watch my son overnight so I could go out, she agreed and I told him he could come over. We had dinner that I bought, started to watch a movie but it ended up just playing in the background as we talked for hours and ended up flirting. When it came time to go to bed, I got out blankets and such for him to camp out on the couch, this was at 1 or 2 am, so he definitely couldn't just drive back home. He then took the covers and such and put them on the floor saying he felt more comfortable there. Well I ended up laying on the floor with him and talking. Somehow we ended up kissing. And it was love at first kiss. We ended up spending the entire weekend together, and within the first night I just knew he was the one. We will be married 3 years on the 20th. I was a single mom when we got together and the biggest clue for me was the first moment my son met him, he fell in love with him too and called him "daddy". I instantly said no, to call him by his name (I have never been to type to try to look for a father for him when single) instantly my hubby said "no, it's okay, he can call me that because that's what I'll be". That was the biggest clue to me. He treats my son as if his own, no one ever knows my son isn't his until I say something usually because he always introduces him as his own. He treats him way better than his real father ever did. I think when you find the one, you just.... know. It's hard to explain.

Oh btw, he proposed 2 weeks after the first night, the first night was Feb 1st in 08, he proposed on VDay. We got married a month later on March 20th. Everyone besides my mom called me nuts. That was another clue for me. My mom NEVER liked ANYONE I dated. She absolutely hated my son's father from the beginning. I wish I had listened to her, and at the same time I'm glad I didn't or I wouldn't have my son now. And without him I may have not met my hubby to begin with. But yea, I was so hesitant to tell my mom when he proposed... I waited days trying to think of how to tell her. And when I did she bursted into tears, happy ones, saying how happy she was, that she had been praying he would propose... and she only met him twice!

Trust your gut, your heart, and what momma thinks. Moms are always right haha, whether we want them to be or not. I'm not particularly close with my mom, but she was right about him and about my exes. If you think the person you are dated could be the one, just make sure you know without any doubt in your mind. Sometimes we wear rose colored glasses, I know I did with my son's father and I paid heavily for it. Good luck!
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#3

Wow, what Anastasia said is very close to my own experiences, lol. Are we like sisters and don't know it or something? Tongue

I met my hubby online! On a Catholic Singles website. So issues like religion and morality and stuff were already out there in the open. First time we talked on the phone was a good 7 hours. He lived in another state, like 800 miles away Sad ; so we didn't actually meet in person until about a month later. This was before Skype; so every evening we talked on the phone for 5 hours. I was falling hard! I loved his voice. It was (and still is) so sexy. Wink We'd email each other long "novels" as we called them, every day. And send each other pictures. He sent me flowers on occasion. The first time we met, when he took my hand, I about melted. It felt like electricity! I knew he was the one. I only got to see him for 3 days once a month, when he'd fly up here to see me. The third month, I flew down to see him; and he proposed. He got a job transfer up to my state a couple months after that. We were married exactly one year after he proposed. We've been married 7 and a half years now. I also have a child from a previous marriage; and she took to my husband immediately when she first saw him, which was unheard of for her. Smile He loves her to death and spoils her rotten.

I agree, why waste your time and your heart on someone who doesn't make the cut? I know you're young (you're 15, right?); but even Mr. Right has to go to school, too! It's totally possible to meet "The One" at a young age; not really the norm, but still possible. Once in a while a high school will have a total gem of a guy; one who stands out above the others in maturity and kindness and gentleman-ness. Wink
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#4

aww nice story TM, I met my hubby on an adult social networking site. Like I said we talked as friends at first, he posted a blog asking for advice for a friend, she got pregnant by another friend of his and was considering abortion, he asked how he could convince her not to do it. And as you gals know with me here haha I am always up for giving my insight on difficult things. So I approached him to help with his friend, we talked online for 2 hours, even got on cam on yahoo to see each other while chatting, then we talked on the phone as I said cause I had things to do in the house and couldn't sit at the computer. And haha yea I couldn't go on a site specific to a religion because I don't follow an organized religion. His religious preferences wouldn't have been a big deal to me no matter what he believed in as long as he was accepting that I didn't believe the same. I find I can't date Christians because they would try to get in fights with me over religion. So yea that's what I meant by finding that out really.

It was strange though, at the time I met him, I wasn't looking! I was single for a year, planned to go to college the following fall, and just was going to concentrate on being independent, my son and myself. And then bam, he pops up. It seems to me when you're looking you don't find the right one, then when you don't try they just pop up haha.

I agree about the age thing that you can find someone even young. My cousin found his mrs. right in highschool. He was 14, she was 16, yes she's older than him haha. They got married when he was 19, beautiful wedding too. Ummm... I believe he's... 31 or so now? They have 2 kids together and are very happy. I'm not going to use me as an example with my son's father haha I did meet him when I was 15, but yea, not a good example for this. But I did meet my husband at 20, some say that's too young to settle down.

And TM, luckily I didn't marry my son's father, dodged a huge bullet there I'd say! He asked me after I had my son, but he changed into a monster while I was pregnant so I said no. I stayed with him as long as I did hoping he'd change back into the guy I fell for (he was 9 years older than me btw), but he never did. I also didn't want my son to be without his father, as I was without one. But sometimes what is difficult to do is the best thing over all. One day I woke up and decided enough was enough and I left. Never looked back. When I left him he got 10 times worse did all kinds of crap to try to get to me. It was ridiculous. But in the end I won. Dead beat dads never win haha. And now my son has a wonderful father, so all is good.
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#5

thanks for the advice ladies.

It may be weird but I decided that when I was young that I didn't want a boyfriend but a husband. So i've never had a boyfriend, or a first kiss, I've just 'dated' I suppose.

I have become good friends with a very nice guy and I think he might be the one but...teen love can be such a tricky thing that I can't completely trust that it's actually love and not a crush. He's a gentleman, completely devoted to me and he's always showering me with complements(most of which I don't see) and he's always making sure that I'm pleased with him and he hasn't done anything to upset me. About a week after I started talking to him frequently we became close friends and I trusted him with my feelings, which is strange cause it takes months for me to trust people even a little bit (could that be a sign?). And when I think about him I don't get that lovey-dovey feeling that I got with other crushes, I just feel happy.
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#6

thanks for the advice ladies.

It may be weird but I decided that when I was young that I didn't want a boyfriend but a husband. So i've never had a boyfriend, or a first kiss, I've just 'dated' I suppose.

I have become good friends with a very nice guy and I think he might be the one but...teen love can be such a tricky thing that I can't completely trust that it's actually love and not a crush. He's a gentleman, completely devoted to me and he's always showering me with complements(most of which I don't see) and he's always making sure that I'm pleased with him and he hasn't done anything to upset me. About a week after I started talking to him frequently we became close friends and I trusted him with my feelings, which is strange cause it takes months for me to trust people even a little bit (could that be a sign?). And when I think about him I don't get that lovey-dovey feeling that I got with other crushes, I just feel happy.

Also, this maybe irrelevant but, he's determined to prove that he really does love me. He actually got on his knee and proposed.

Oops posted twice.
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#7

I just took a quick glimpse at your program page, didn't realize you're only 15. How old is he? Crazy he already proposed, what did you say? I think it's too young to get married, maybe wait until after highschool at least, see where things go.
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#8

oh he wasn't actually proposing with a ring and everything! And I wouldn't get married before high school! He's 14, turns 15 in July. I don't even want to get kissed till after high school.

When I'm with him. I'm so happy and I think this could really be what I've wanted but then I think about our age I start to think that this is just infatuation and it will wear off eventually. But i know there are cases of people fallinh in love at young ages and then getting married and years later they're still married (my friend's parents for example got started dating at 16 or 17 and they've been married for 43 years)

This is why I'd like some advice about it. =/
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#9

Only time will tell if it's meant to be, especially since you're both still young. In the meantime, enjoy being with him! If he's making you that happy, don't doubt it! Just always be yourself with him. Whether or not he's truly "the one" remains to be seen as time goes on; and even if he's not, you will be OK. Heartbreak or disappointment is unavoidable at some point in everyone's life. He sounds like a really good young man though; quite a find! Good luck, and have fun! Smile
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#10

i can tell him everything actually. You're right TM, I should just enjoy being around him.
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