[lovingmum]

Hi there, my name's samantha and i am in desperate need of some help!!

This is very hard to explain and a little and could take some time, so please bare with me.

I am not here for myself as such, but i have major concern's for my son who is 19. I have recently discovered he has breast's and i am horrified and beside myself with worry! I don't know what to do or who to turn to over this. I have been looking at this forum and some other's for a while now trying to pluck up the courage to post and try and get some advice and now i really have to do something.

My worries are over his health and the reason why he has breast's, and i don't just mean small breast's, they are a good size and if i was to guess i would say a c cup. I know what you must be thinking and i know maybe i should have noticed earlier and i do blame myself, but the truth is i work very long hour's and my son is very reclusive and i let him have his space, i mean he is 19 and not a kid anymore.

Abit of background information! myself and my son and daughter live in a council house in leed's, i work long hours and i am single, my daughter is 17 and also work's, my son however has never kept a job down and has alway's seemed so distant. My son is very slim and had a late puberty which caused some bullying at school and all in all it was a bad time for him.

To come to the point and my cry for help. I found a photo on my son's laptop, the photo in question showed my son rubbing some type of oil into his chest, the problem was it was not just a chest, he has breast's, i was horrified to see this and i did not go looking for the picture, his laptop was on and i was grabbing his washing while i could as he had gone to the shop's, his door is alway's locked otherwise.

I was in a panic at the time, really did not have a clue what to do, my son is slim and alway's wear's baggy clothe's and tracksuit's, i just never noticed anything, i must be such a terrible mother! well that is how i feel right now. To get back on track i started to search his room. I came across something called premarin pill's and a gel called sandrani or something like that, i also found a bottle of tablet's called Puraria mirrifca and spirolactone. Sorry if my discription's are inaccurate. I also found a pump for breast's. Now imagine how i was feeling ? i was lost and confused and so ashamed of myself and worried sick for him.

My son was due back so i left the room as i found it and went downstair's and had a stiff drink and a fag and contemplated what to do!
I decided to find out what these pill's wher and not say anything till i knew what the hell i was talking about.
This was 3 day's ago and i still have not spoke to my son about it, i don't know how. My search has brought me to alot of forum's and web page's and this one seemed like a good place to try and get some help and advice. I have nothing against transexual's or crossdresser's and my son know's this so why has he not said anything to me ? and why are his breast's so big ? from what i have read he must have been doing these pill's for along time, and i mean year's for them to be so developed. How could he get these pill's, i did find an online store that sold hormone's over the net, but surely you cannot just buy from them ? it is called inhouse pharmacy i think.

I just do not know how to proceed with this ? i love my children very much and i will support what they do. But i just want answer's and to understand. How could i have not noticed anything ? please can someone help me ?

I have the picture i found of my son on a memory card, if needed i will post it so someone can tell me how long he has been using this stuff for, i am so scared he has damaged his health, and that the effect's are permanent. And why take a photo of his breast's, i don't understand.

Thank's for your time and understanding!
Sam

[lorajean101]

Hi. I am posting a reply mainly because nobody else has, and I'm sure you are going crazy waiting for someone to respond, I know I would be.
Now, first I would like to say I am fairly new to "natural breast enhancement" or nbe as most people call it for short.
However, it is quite obvious by the things you have found in his room, the fact that your son has breasts was no "freak of nature" type deal. He has worked hard for them, sounds like he has done his homework and has all the necessary tools to acquire them.
Maybe this was something he had been doing for a long period of time and that is also why he went through a late puberty. In any case, you say you do not pass judgement on transsexuals or cross dressers so you are not sure why your son would hide it from you... You may not pass judgement, yet he is your son, so with him, he probably feels much differently about that.
I am a female, yet I hide very carefully the steps I have taken to grow bigger breasts from my friends and family due to the humiliation of A) It not working and wasting so much money, and B) Having to admit that under my very padded bras are pretty tiny boobs
I have kids as well, although they are much younger than yours (3 and 1) I know how I would feel, it's just a mother instinct to think you should always know 100% what is going on with them and if something seems out of sorts. I'm sure many men try and hide things like this from their family at least for a period of time.
I do know that some of the things you mentioned are estrogen based hormones that will cause breast growth over time, and of course the pump would have no other use than to create breast swelling/growth. The pictures on the computer are obviously there because your son took them because he was proud of his success with his growth~ some women cannot achieve growth that great!
You say you are worried he may have caused permanent damage or have affected his health in a negative way... I say he has done the research if he is possibly a c-cup and he must be quite aware of what he wants. Are you more concerned that he wants possibly to be a woman, is possibly gay, or that he never opened up to you? My concern would be as one you mentioned: how could this have been going on for so long and I never knew??? However, if he wanted to hide it from you, trust me, you would have had no way of knowing! You are not a terrible mother. I think you are great for both giving your adult son space, and trying to seek advice before doing anything drastic.
Here is what I would do: If you are truly ok with the fact your son wants to be this way (gay, transsexual, cross-dresser, woman, etc) then write him a letter. (I know that he lives with you, but it may be awkward for both of you to approach him in person) tell him what you found. Tell him you wished he would have told you, but you understand why he felt he couldn't. Tell him you will love him regardless and that when he is ready to talk about it that you will be ready with open arms as his mother to listen and to accept what he chooses as his lifestyle. Leave it taped to his door when you will be out for a while. Let him read it and have a chance to let it soak in. Then, leave it at that. Let him come to you.
I know I have not been much help as for as telling you any medical info regarding the drugs he has taken to grow breasts and if it will be permanant or if it will affect his health, etc, but, if you need someone to talk to or vent to, I'm here... I hope everything goes well for you with all of this

[lovingmum]

Thank you for the reply!!

I posted on a few forum's in some wild hope that my son used then and he would see what i had written, i love hime very much and want him to know that.

I am very confused and have planned to comfront him tomorrow, i cannot sleep tonight as i am so worried about what he has done to himself. I do not believe he is a transexual and if that is the case why would he do this to his body ?
I do not understand, he is 19 with his whole life ahead of him.

I have had some advice from people off another forum and it has been a great help to me but i am still so worried about the damage he has done to his body.
I put the picture of him up on another forum in desperate hope that someone would tell me it was reversable, i also wanted to know the time frame involved, how long has he been doing this for!
I will post the picture here as i have not had a response as yet and i need some advice. I believe he is well into development and if that is the case he has been doing this for year's and i have no idea how i did not see it!!!

   

I feel guilty about posting this and great concern over what he has done to himself. What i really want is to get to the bottom of his problem and hopefully reverse what has been done.
I really would like some opinion's, is it to late to reverse this ?

Thank you for your time.
Sam

[Anastasia916]

lovingmum, I am a mother of a 6 year old son, and I can only imagine what you are feeling and thinking. Growing up around gays and transgenders and being bisexual myself I am probably more open minded then most parents. I myself would be more hurt that he kept it from me like you are. But you have to think of it from his side of things. If he is gay, transsexual or just simply wanted to grow breasts, how could he possibly explain that to you? It would be incredibly embarrassing for him. Also listening to you now wanting to reverse this, it sounds to me like if he is one of the forementioned, you want to reverse it and "fix" him. This is hurtful for even me as I've had to keep the fact I'm attracted to females from my own mother and family because they would say the same things, that I need to be "fixed". You need to accept that this is the way he is. Cheryl1989 on here was a born male, she started her journey a male, in his 20's and wasn't gay or transsexual, yet for some reason or another wanted to grow breasts. I think she of all people could tell you what your son is thinking and going through. I think you going to him wanting to reverse this and change him is the worst thing you can do!

Yes some methods of NBE can hurt his development, but if he's wanting to be female, then it won't. I think you going to him trying to change him and reverse what he's worked hard for will only push him away and make him resent you. You need to accept him, no matter what. It's obvious he's done his research as lorajean said and knew what he was doing. So he's definitely worked hard for this. Yes I do know some ways the breasts can be reverse and minimized but I think he needs to make the decision himself if he wants to reverse it and not have breasts. Now why he could take pics is the reason we do here, to mark our progress. Now you said he is taking PM, he will need to take a maintenance dose to keep what he's gained from it, otherwise it does go down, the effects of PM are not permanent. As far as how long he's been doing this can all vary, some people have drastic result from NBE and can grow that size within months, others it takes years, so who really knows how long he has been doing this.

I think the suggestion lorajean made about the letter is a good idea, but as I said be open, don't try to change him, let him come to you and talk. Find out exactly why he wants to do this first. Hope this helps and good luck!

[Nyx]

I can't imagine how you would feel because I don't have children, but I know that as someone's child, I would want my mother to have an open mind and not try to change who I am for her personal beliefs. You're not a terrible mother and don't let yourself think that. Some children just aren't close to their parents- I'm not, but I would never say that I had a terrible mother. You need to take a step back and calm down about this before you approach him, if you decide to. Crying or arguing when you talk to him will only make him believe that you are closing your mind and will push him away. He's not doing this just to spite you. At least you didn't find crack or meth in his room, right?

Oh and I hate when my mom tells me the whole "you're only __ years old and you've got your whole life ahead of you" line. Sorry. Just thought I'd let you know so you don't say that to him. He knows, and saying that will only make you look like you're patronizing him.

Whether he comes to you first or you decide to talk to him first, you need to let him know that you still love him and will love him no matter what, and that you just want to understand why he's made the decision that he has.

[lovingmum]

Thank you for you're reply's.!

I have spoke to my son today and it has not gone very well!
We spoke for a few hour's and i found out more about my son in that time than i have through out the last 3 year's.

I did hope i could convince him to re-think what ever he has been doing but it is to late i fear!!!
I still do not understand what he has done and i am even more confused?
He has told me he does not what to be a woman and that this all started as a fascination. He cannot explain why and if i pushed the subject he fly's of the handle and the discussion turn's into a shouting match which is not what i want. I now feel even more hurt and worry over what is going on.

To make it worse the picture i had seen and shown in an earlier post was taken nearly a year ago and his development has from what i can see completed. I have seen many other picture's of my son's progress as he call's it and i am horrified. Yet he still seem's very calm about it all and has convinced me he is ok and has done all his research and had test's done!! Now i do not know if i believe that or not but i can only take his word for it.

I am in abit of a fluster over this and at the moment my son has agreed to be more open with me and i have promised to support him, which i will do but i still do not know why he has done this to his body? and i have no idea what to do next?

I am lost and confused as a mother, i love him but i cannot understand what he has done, being transexual would have atleast cleared it up and we could work together to get help, but what does fascination mean, this is serious and not an experiment he can reverse, which i have told him. I really believe he need's professional help.

Thank you for all you're advice!!!
Sam

[Andy]

HI Sam
You asked how could he do this and not be a transexual? What does he mean by a fascination?

He says that he can not explain why he did this and he is probably right. He can't the fascination that lead him to do this has probably been with him his entire life. I know it has with me.

Let me explain something about myself. All of my life I have been fascinated with the idea of having (growing) my own breasts. Whenever the idea was brought up on TV or books, or in real life. I instantly became completely attentive to the subject. If you are interested you can look in the introduction section of this site or Cheryls for my intro where I go into much more detail. http://cherylsbreasttalk.myfastforum.org/about331.html

At the moment I am content to be a male with breasts. I can't explain why I want them. Why having a set of breasts seems to fill some spot in my phyche. Most men that develop due to medications or other outside influences hide and are embarrassed by them. Yet I am working to grow them myself. The effort to develop them has helped me explore more of my own feelings. Will this one day lead to transsexualism? Possibly, it does happen sometime with full time crossdressers.

So do I consider myself to be a transexual. Not right now. Just like your son and many men out there. I have no desire to be a full time female.
(a blog from a male who has developed his breasts. http://male-breast-enlargement.org/blog/ )

Maybe later. Would I have done this when I was much younger if I knew then (Internet) what I know now. Yes. So what do I consider myself? I say just transgendered. It is a wide open category that covers a great deal of different types of being.
Here are a couple of sites you may want to look at.
http://www.lauras-playground.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender

To me the main thing to me is to not get caught up on labels. He is your son who just happens to have breasts.

I hope some of this helps. I am afraid that I don't have the gift of writing that some here have. But I hope you find something useful.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

[Wahaika]

Hello LovingMum,

I am one who is not "open minded" about something like this.

I somewhat disagree that it didn’t go well. I think that you having spoken with him means that it went very well. The ice is broken.

Facination is a word that softens the blow so that you will accept it and I would be highly suspicious of that kind of language. But facination or not, it is still unacceptable and should not be encouraged.

I think that you are firmly well founded in your love and concern for your son and what he has done to himself, particularly while he was a minor. If this happened to any of my children I would be devastated! If this is how you feel, then I think that I can empathize with your position.

>>"I feel guilty about posting this and great concern over what he has done to himself. What i really want is to get to the bottom of his problem and hopefully reverse what has been done.

I really would like some opinion's, is it to late to reverse this ?"

It is never too late to reverse this. However, the desire to change must be his decision since he is now an adult. Contrary to the "accept him as he is" attitude, it would be better to help him understand and accept that you love him no matter what. Based on what you have written it appears that he already knows that you love him, the two previous posts appear plausible answers as to why he has not informed you.

If you have a religious background this may be the very apparent reason why he did not inform you. He also needs to know that his behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Again, he probably already knows, but he needs to understand that right is right, and wrong is wrong, and that this behavior is wrong.

As far as reversal goes, I would not define reversal in terms of the physical change at this point. I think it is reversible with help from competent physician, endocrinologist and psychiatrist. Real change must come from within - when he decides for himself that he has made a mistake and wants to correct it. If you want to influence that, the first step is to be crystal clear in your language that it is a mistake, totally wrong, unacceptable, etc. Beyond that, it will take some research into how it started and progressed.

Attitudes of acceptance, tolerance, “you are born that way”, "there is no right or wrong" and the like are definitely part of the problem. Society of full of this kind of thinking, it appears that you may be in agreement with society by promising to support him. If you are of this opinion also, then why should he seek change? Support (i.e. acceptance and no resistence from his mother) are exactly what he wants. Support in the form of tough love may be what he needs.

You have already identified some major parts of the problem:
1. No father., or male influence.
2. Bullying.
3. Late puberty/development.
4. The moral decline of what was once a civilization based on the belief that morality is defined by God and we should conform ourselves to that standard.

Put those together and you have a situation where he had no father for support for his development as a man, no one to teach him how to handle bullies, and a formula for bullies calling him names; i.e. gay, etc. The picture that you posted shows how far down the road he is. Then you have the morally bankrupt influence over him in school, entertainment, and especially on websites that accept and sometimes promote that behavior - like this website. (Which is one of the main reasons I rarely post here anymore. Your story is proof of the damage done to young impressionable people when the presence of gays/transexuals/cross dressers, etc. is tolerated. It is my position that their position and presense should not be tolerated. Evil should not be tolerated.)

I do agree conceptually with what has been said above regarding communication, generally that communication is the key at this point. There are more keys. But don't communicate something that will make it worse. As a parent, you have a duty to stick to your standards. Toleration and acceptance of that which is wrong/a mistake is not going to fix the problem. It is one of the ways that the problem was allowed to get to this point.

Also be prepared that this will not happen overnight, if at all.

As a parent, I would have a few questions:

* Where is he getting the money for his manboob project?

If I were in your position and I was the source of the funding, then I would cut off the funding immediately. If he has a job, then he should be helping to pay the bills or be on his own. Sometimes “tough love” is what children need in order to experience reality. One of the balances here is that the last thing he may need is to be kicked out into the open arms of those who drove him to this mistake. It is something that you will have to judge for yourself. But in my opinion he should not be supported in a manner that gives him no resistance.

* How is he getting prescription strength drugs without a prescription? What doctors did he see? Who gave him help as a minor? Where was the parental consent?

If it were me, and my child was getting illegal drugs from any source (pre 18 years old), especially after causing damage like this, there would be serious legal consequences for the supplier. Same with any doctors.

* What is the effect on your 17 year old daughter? Does she know? Is she in similar trouble?

If it were me, I would put at least equal emphasis and attention on her, maybe even before bringing it up with him. Try to learn as much about her as you have done with your son, if you can. Pull her closer now!

Again, in my opinion, tolerance and acceptance is not the way to go when trying to correct a problem. Identifying that there is a problem is job #1, and this cannot be done in a world where tolerance ultimately leads to acceptance.

Wahaika

[eva_bs]

I am not a mom yet...
but wow!!!! I would have been shocked as well!!!!! Yakis!!!
I think that Wahaika is right. You must understand from where it all began! I am so sorry to hear that you found out about it like that.
I know that this may sound weird but how did he devrelope breasts like that?! I am trying to have my breasts grow for 7 months now...and I only grew 1 cup size.
I wish you all the best dear!!!! And I hope that you will have the energy to help him out.
Good Luck Dear!!!!!

[Anastasia916]

Wahaika, I do like that you help the ladies here on the forum with the knowledge you have about herbs and whenever people ask me specifics about them I send them your way, because of course you're more knowledgeable on that subject then I am.

That being said, I can tell by your undertone you are a very religious person, I grew up with bible thumpers, I'll try to keep my opinions about that to myself as to not offend anyone. And that's what you should do also. Your opinions about gays, transsexuals, crossdressers, etc. is very biased. You have to realize in society there are so many religions, beliefs, and people. And yes we have to accept them for who and what they are. I myself don't care for extreme Christians, I'm not going to go into why, but I don't. I tolerate them. So if I were to be like you, going around putting my beliefs about that certain group onto others, wouldn't you find that wrong? Yep, you would. Which is messed up in itself. And trust me I have as much reason to not like them as you don't about the group we are discussing. There is a time and place for everything. And I feel that you pushing your beliefs about this group onto this mother is the worst thing ever.

I speak from experience here. I'm bisexual, yet my family has no clue, I don't live near them, and we are not close. Why? Because they are like you, very religious and judge people left and right. You can say there is something wrong with me all day long, but I am attracted to females and males, just the way it is. I have dated both, but married a male, if I found a female I was this in love with, I would have married her. So basically my family is missing out by being stuck in their judgments and beliefs, they are missing out being close to me right now. And I guarantee, if this mother does what you are suggesting to an adult child, he will take off and not look back. She will lose him.

I have known transgenders in similar situations, parents found out at one point, some were accepting and some weren't. The ones that weren't, lost their child. So you tell me, if you had a son that you found in a similar situation, had grown breasts, would you rather push these beliefs and think of what he's done as "evil" and as an effect lose him? Or would you try to be accepting, maybe you both go to counseling to understand if he is really this way and why, then you would have your child in your life longer? Same question, but reversed, what if you had a daughter trying to minimize her breasts and curves, cutting her hair short, and dressing like a boy... would you push these same beliefs that she is "ruining" herself? Possibly pushing her away and again losing your child. Or would you seek to try to understand her? Personally I would already understand, but for those who don't, I would suggest group counseling to understand one another. Get to the root of it all.

If my own son turns out gay, transgender, crossdresser, etc. (which I doubt because he's a huge flirt with the girls) Then I would accept him and love him no matter what. Your type of mentality is why gays and the like are killed, bullied, abused, everyday. Is it right because of how someone feels that they are and their beliefs that they go through that? I don't think so. That's like if society turned and went against Christians and did the same thing to them because of their beliefs and how they are, that wouldn't be right either. I think everyone should be accepted as long as they are not doing anything illegal, etc. Like I wouldn't go as far as saying Satanists should be accepted when they kill people and animals for rituals, that shouldn't be accepted, that's an example of the fine line.

I'm sorry but I don't think your advice is best on this subject. If she took the advice she could end up losing her child all together. Those are my thoughts, not in any way trying to talk down to anyone.