Long time lurker chiming in.


Hello lovely people. My name is Lara. I've been lurking here for a long time, several years
by now and I feel its time to contribute and start posting. I have
plenty to talk about.

About me, I'm thirty nine years old, from Finland. I'm a musician/artist and
big time NBE enthusiast. I'm intersex, the exact flavour of my
anatomical weirdness is yet to be investigated but I'm strongly
suspecting either XXY or some type of mosaic.

I'm also transgender as I was falsely presumed to be male at birth but
little did they realise that I'm a woman with a messed up anatomy which
requires a whole lot of fixing. I've been aware of this since I was
little kid, but lacked any knowledge or even the language to deal with
it for a long time. My first puberty was a weird one as at first my
female side tried to dominate the best it could, but after some years, T
dominance took over and my development halted. The good side of this
was that I never developed many masculine traits at all. I don't have
adams apple, no brow ridge, my hips are naturally equal or a bit wider
than my shoulders.(This wasn't as visible when I was really fit and
quite buffed out several years ago.) My waist is tiny and I'm quite
tall. I did develop small breasts back then, but they flattened out with time. My chest has never been the barrel shaped and my fat
distribution has been dominated by my female side since puberty. But my genitals have male apperance. Despite of appearing to be functional, I
have no children regardless of countless chances in the past for it.

Figuring myself out and acting upon it was a long gradual process which took me so long, that would be a story for one very long thread so I'll skip all the sadness and waiting and uncertainty that took me thirtyseven years to fully figure out. I started hormone replacement therapy almost two years ago, before that I did herbal NBE for about year and half. What I'm doing is a combination of conventional HRT along with all NBE alchemy I have come up with. The combination of things I'm on is a bit unique I think, but with many common bits and pieces we're all familiar with. I also do rigorous pumping practice with noogleberry pump, using the rare out of production XXXL domes I was able to source.

My body has changed dramatically in the last two years, so much so that I haven't seen anyone my age have it quite like this. Only ones who have it like this seem to be very young trans girls who got to start out very young, never experiencing testosterone dominance at all, and obviously cis women during puberty. Its like my body knew right away what to do once I introduced the correct hormone balance to it. My fat distribution has dramatically altered, my breasts have grown so much I'm soon running out of Euro sizes for my band. I look younger than I did when I was thirty, all the androgynous features I had have melted away and I've become much more feminine looking over all. The biggest surprise has been my breasts and my lower body as my hips and thigs have gotten really thick in a short time. All this has been dreamlike, the best thing ever happened to me. Even still, its a tragic fate to need external hormone therapy to be able to function somehow and genitals requiring surgery to fix. I would much rather be just another XX woman instead because this existence is painful and difficult. Also rewarding in a way as my life has been very unique and my anatomy is unique so the kind of life experience which comes with this, has its blessings.

I'm hoping to be welcome here as I relate so much more to all women, cis or
trans or inter, doesn't matter, but I've always socialised so well with
women. Perhaps I can also bring in some fresh ideas about NBE or even inspire or help somehow. Anyway, glad to be here. I will be posting a in depth thread about my program soon, hopefully tomorrow.  

Why does the text arrange in a weird way? What did I mess up?

Welcome to the group, your story is quite inspiring.

A rhetoric question, am I woman enough to post on this forum? Am I worthy enough for it? Am I accepted here?

Or am I too delusional or in need to justify myself? Because I do need to do so... I do need justification to feel alright because I was shut down, forced into living as something I'm not for a very long time, I was bullied massively for "being a girl" when I was kid which left deep mental scars. On top of hating my body being so wrong for so long time, I was also body shamed for the things that were right and for not truly fitting in.

Now that I've been finally getting to actual answers to my problems, its goddamn guaranteed that I will talk about it all. And I know damn well what my experience in life has been and I know my body the best as I've been inhabiting it for nearly forty years. Who's to tell what I am if its not me? No one in the world knows how this is like spot on with perfection unlike I do, others only know what they see, hear and what I tell them. The same way I can't 100% know anyone elses experience.

But I'm not out there judging them and bashing them for being different! Angry

Gosh this is really annyoing feeling uncertain if I'm even woman enough to be here. I was really afraid for the longest time to even ask if I'm welcome. And almost right away I'm full of doubt about my validiy as a woman. I'm going to love the ignore function I bet. Also who ever feels that I'm not woman enough or worth anything, just ignore me, reading my threads is completely voluntary. I thought it would be a fun start here, but if I'm not woman enough to post, I can go away too. Crying

Calling out poeple for being delusional and what ever based on ones own experience is delusional if something is, its simple minded and narrow sighted thinking because every person out there has a unique life experience and identity and our bodies too are all unique. And we all are equally valuable and amazing regardless of our backgrounds. I didn't choose to be like this, I would rather just be another XX cis woman instead.

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