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Ella, inspiring us, again! God bless you, dearhearts! I don't know what to tell you. But if I and some people I know have found ways to heal, y'all can do it! Well, I hope so. I have been through some, uhm, interesting things in my life. I wouldn't even share them with y'all. Pardon me for this, as I am a little reserved when it comes to certain things. And stories I have heard from some of the strongest and most hopeful people I know, would turn this thread into a rated R thread. All I can say is that when it comes down to it, it's about you sitting down with your heart, mind, memories- face to face- and saying: "Look here, this is my life and I make the decisions about how we are going to deal with this and where we are going from here."
There are many ways of doing this- healing, plowing through it, journaling, therapy, etc. And it can take minutes or years. To get to the point where I am, feeling pretty good actually, it was because I always made the choice, a Choice- consciously!- to aim for some better feeling. That doesn't mean that I didn't have my bouts of depression where I decided to stay in bed a few days, i must confess. But even then, I decided that it was time well-spent resting my mind and body and I just let my body limp and heal.
As an aside, I will admit too, that I had a long-term partner (who helped to contribute to my, uhm, tough growing pains-in other words, erm, do take care and thoughtful consideration with regards to therapeutic cuddling/dating/ friendships. Vulnerability can be valuable, but desperation/neediness/weakness can open up a whole different kind of can or lead to outright toxicity. That said, I do love good hugs!) Oops, I digress, through much of this time, with a long-term partner, blahdah-blahdah (me, who had a anxiety attack many years ago when a very nice boy asked me out and was gently coached out of it, by my mother). Ha! Oh, well!
I wish I could give you all a big hug and a high five. Now, this is one of the questions that has helped me a lot: How is that working for ya?
I have used this question with myself and with others! If you can give yourself pause sometimes, you can create a new circuitry and that can change- Every Thing! Even just a little moving to the side can create miracles! I reminded myself more than several times, "Has any of this "I can't yada yada ever caused a positive thing to happen?... What did all this blah blah ever get me?"
In the past, I also was often very negative because there was some part of me that confused attention or pity with caring or love or some other feeling or goal I had. But pitying myself or people pitying me was not actually satisfying and didn't necessarily lead to some change in my world that made my life better. After all those years I spent learning ( or some might say wasted, if they don't care to look at the bright side which is the side that makes a big difference), it turned out and still turns out that I had to be the one that made the decision and that cared best myself, had empathy for myself, and even pampered myself because I am with me all the time. I am in my head and my heart is with me- 24 hours a day! Yah, I have wonderful friends and family- I have my whole life, but it is me and me, all the time- in those dark nights of the soul, in the times of spiritual and existential crisis, in this times when I wonder if life is a hologram or if I am just the marionette of some evil or uncaring puppet master! Hehehe. Sometimes I cry as I wonder about the nature or reality. I hear a news snippet and wonder why I am condemned to participate in humanity. BUT! I let it come. I and I (me and me, or angels, or aliens, or friends, Youtube, etc) have a sit down and we find ways. We reach into the Universe that we are seemingly a part of. We call out to the Cosmos, to Kwan Yin, to Jesus, to ArchAngels, to Benevolent ETs, to EFT, we have exchange Reiki with friends, we YouTube, we watch Drs. Wayne Dyer and Bruce Lipton, we cry, we sigh, we eat chocolate and bacon, we massage our feet, we pray, we meditate, we lead ourselves through a guided lovely ethereal daydream out loud! We decide to climb that mountain, we decide to look and reach for that better feeling! We even play act! We recite beautiful, dramatic, sad, and poetic scenes for the audience of ourselves and the unseen... and we are stronger! I am stronger and I am alive! And I am glad that I am experiencing being alive and now I am curious to see how good this is gonna keep getting!
Hahahaha! Whoooo! After writing that, like a woman possessed, I feel a little euphoric! It's like I just landed a perfect jump off the swings. Heck ya, I still go jump off the swings, once in a while And hug trees. I send them love and thank them for oxygen and they send back their own solid kinda love! Even the strongest trees bend and sway in the wind! Those synapses- your mental tree branches, much! I used to think that I was possibly cursed from past lives, if that sort of thing exists, but guess what, even past 35, my brain, my synapses are still growing, stretching, and changing! My friend is 77! She has taught me so much, and she thought she was "ingrained" whathaveyou, until after she was 40 and that tree is still growing! She still surprises me when she heals anew from a thing or changes a 70 year old belief! We had a laugh like silly teenagers, just last month.
Ah! Pardon me! Bref, it was definitely with some stumbles backwards, but always pawing, crawling, leaping forward. I am the only one that can choose and then go with my "now!" There were times I had it handed to me and I just kinda accidentally left it somewhere or violently hurled it from the mountain of frustration, pain, anger, etc. Meh, you know. I don't know when/where your "now" is, but I hope it is in the best, greatest, and highest perfect time/event for you and all that you are involved with.
PS: I do wish for y'all the delicious splendor of a quiet mind. It's not that I try to get mine to shut up, anymore. More like, I take the rotten eggs out and start putting in juicy fruits. Now, it might empties itself on occasion, but when it doesn't and I am ready for something different after kicking around the mental punching bag, I say why shut try to shut up the mind?! The trying is what? What are you doing when you are trying. So, sometimes, I pour mine a glass of wine, let it out for a walk, read it a book, give it a nap, sing it a song, or just let it impress me with good ideas for it's roundhouse kicks.
PS: How did all this writing happen? Hahaha! DIVINE- EMBRACE. ICE-BLUE.