[caitemh]

Since I started my NBE journey a month and a bit ago, it's all I think about. I'm obsessed.

I am always on these forums, reading, learning and hoping I can have results like you girls.

I'm struggling with a lot of things right now, more so my anxiety that has crippled me for a few years now.

I tend to worry a LOT about money, and I realize that this venture is going to be a pricey one. My boyfriend and I are just getting back on our feet after he spent a year off from work, and I am just finally able to have a LITTLE bit of money to spend on myself..
but I get guilty.

I want nothing more than to grow my girls, its all I think about. I find myself obsessing, checking the mirror every day, wondering what else I can do to make this happen. I am introducing MSM to my program soon, and I wanted to try collagen (Until I read someone on here said it was really pointless to take). I placed an order for collagen last night, and just the idea of spending that $30 made me sick to my stomach with guilt. My boyfriend even offered to pay for the collagen, but I just can't help but feeling awful.
So I'm cancelling the order...

But i'm going crazy... I can't shake this guilt, because I feel like I shouldn't be spending money on this kind of stuff when we really need to save up our earnings (we hope to move back out to the coast eventually)...but I'm just trying to improve my body so I love it..


What can you girls tell me about the way I'm feeling...Is it normal, is it wrong?
I just can't shake this guilt...I know it's my anxiety that plays a part. I think about it and my brain goes "But what if you need this $30 for food, or gas?"

I'm afraid this mindset is going to eventually cause me to give up because I can't handle the idea that I'm wasting my time and money...

[echapman]

I feel the exact same way. I am a super anxious person and a tight wad with money, especially since I am working a few photography/MUA gigs every now and then with nothing else in between because I am in school full time.

When I first started I was OBSESSED. I would wake up every morning an read the forums, I researched like crazy. I listened to Rockmelon ringtone obsessively. My fiance has been really supportive of me and has bought pretty much all my supplements because otherwise I would be broke.

We are about to get our first house and we both have a good amount of student debt that needs to be paid off and sometimes I feel really guilty about spending money on this stuff when half the time I'm not even doing it right. I am super self destructive in high stress situations unfortunately and I have ended up doing things that I thought might screw up my body if I didn't take a break from nbe for a few days.

You are not alone!

[caitemh]

Thank you for at least showing me I'm not alone.

I've been going through super high stress situations lately, and I'm a very easy stress reactor.. So I know I'm playing with fire trying this while I'm stressed.

But I've gone through so many years of self hatred, that after one particularly Intense panic attack, my boyfriend simply told me that we cannot work if I cannot love myself and let go of my crazy insecurities.

So I've been, over the last month or so, attempting to change my personal views on myself. My NBE program is part of it..

But after so long thinking I'm undeserving of anything (good looks, great hair, rocking body, love, good job, money, and all else) it's hard to stop myself from feeling guilty when I work on myself.

My boyfriend did offer to pay for said Collagen.. But it just upsets me.. If I can't afford it, why should I?

Money has always made me feel guilty when I spend it on myself. I grew up in a very low income home where we didn't get anything frivolous over essentials..

Le sigh. I'm just impatient I think...

[Jenniferlove]

Just do massage, hypnosis and binaural in the meantime. That's all free. Massage really DOES work!

And yes, out of all the supplements I would say collagen is the last thing you should buy. If you get anything, get PM. There are brands on ebay for under $10 for something like 60 pills. Just because something costs a lot of money doesn't mean it's better than the cheaper brands. Oftentimes it just means they've got a better marketing scheme going on.[/align]

[Tinytots]

You can always use flax seed oil for massage. Buy organic and keep in the fridge. I also take flax seed supplements and grind 2 tbs of flax seed and eat in my yogurt.
I also sent you a private message.

[solome]

all the other stuff is certainly good, massage, pm, etc. but you're only 93lbs and you said you'd like to add about another 20. that's good because you're body needs protein to build and repair tissue so, if you can, try to get more in your diet where possible. your body may be perfectly willing to grow more breast tissue but it can't if it isn't given the building blocks, nuts, seeds, fish, meat, tofu, you know, all that food stuff. also, nutritionally speaking, i really think highly of nutritional yeast. i get it in bulk at the grocer. if i remember, it's complete in all the b vitamins and has some protein, too.

[BonitaDDs]

Yes I definitely understand I am obsessed I also have little money I like to keep everything cheap and simple but I feel OK buying things that I have a good reason to work and will last a good time eg my plan for 9g msm and 1-1.5g bo will cost under 20£ a month I quit smoking and I don't shop for anything else so for me this is worth it and there are cheaper programs possible too fenugreek seeds I had lasted over a month at 5g per day for under 3 euros.
Yes collagens not really important I prefer msm if you can cancel you could get more for your money in other nbe and hallways look for the best deals think ahead so you order once and it lasts over a month if buying makes you feel bad do it less than every month I think that's important and try to tell yourself you deserve it.
Just remember results are priceless!

[EllaC]

I felt this way also. I'm the type of person who finds it therapeutic obsessing about something new! In my case its taken my mind off getting a new car!!! ha ha.
But I advise don't let it get to you and to be honest we are probably more likely to get MORE results if we just chill out about the whole process! Im the same, low self esteem on account of my figure but I tell you what the "right" bra can make a huge difference "in the meantime". So il try now to be positive! not stress about it etc etc. Its like those women who try for years to get pregnant and invest everything into it only to fail, then BANG as soon as they let it go and get on with their lives all of a sudden they are pregnant! Lets assume its the same for us

[Lacey Ra]

Massage: Free
Hypnosis: Free
Flaxseed Oil: $5
Muscle Rub: $1 [from the Dollar Tree]
Lavender Extract: It's $6.70 for me here so in the States it'd be bout $3-4

I order my vitamins from Swanson, they're cheap and the vitamins are quality.

[caitemh]

Does muscle rub actually work well? I've read your muscle rub thread Emily, and actually bought some Icy hot. I used it a few times for a couple days, but noticed nothing. I know you should consistently use, but you seemed to have been noticing changes very soon after using it.

Anyone else had great success with muscle rub?