13-09-2012, 23:45
It's been nearly 6mo since I stopped breastfeeding. I breastfed both of my beautiful girls for 1 year each. My oldest is 3yrs and youngest is 18mo. I have always been a 32A most of my life until I got pregnant. While breastfeeding I was able to achieve a 32B and is was wonderful. Sadly, it got flatter as I started to dry up. Currently I am a little bit bigger than before having children, but I have lost all firmness and perkiness. Just flat and saggy.
My husband and I have been married for 11yrs. It's amazing that we've been together for this long. He has a preference for girls with fuller body build and of course with bigger assets, if you know what I mean. I'm entirely the opposite. I'm really pettite. I'm only 4'9" tall, 89lb, slim and flat chested. 11yrs ago when we first were married, while foreplay, he was holding my breasts in his palms and said,"I wish these were bigger." It destroyed me. He said he was sorry many times, but I never got over it. I love him just the way his body is, I don't understand why he can't do the same for me?! Sure he says he loves me, but if he doesn't love the way my body looks and still yearn for other women, then "I love you" means nothing. I don't get it. Why stay with a woman you don't desire?
Just this past year, while I was 4mo postpartum, he had a crush on a model that he was shooting in a couple photography session. We usually are logged in Facebook all the time on the iPad and so I was able to read his messages. Anyways, in one message his friend they were talking about girls and he had said he likes that girl that had modeled for a car shoot. She was his type and he would do her in a heartbeat. I was so devastated. No wonder he kept talking about her to me. He was in love with her. I confronted him about and he said he was sorry and that it was just guy talk and nothing more. I know that is how he truly feels. I am not the woman of his desire and I know I could never be. Then why stay with me?
There's been many times that we've almost separated because he didn't want to be with me. The only thing that kept him coming back to me and staying with me was because he did not want to see me with another man! Now his excuse is, he wants us to be together for the girls and that it's embarrassing to be divorced after being married for so long and with kids. I know his decisions will change one day when he finds a younger and bustier girl. It doesn't mean anything anymore when he says, "I love you." To me they are empty promises. I stay with him, because I love him with all my heart, body and soul, otherwise I wouldn't have any children with him. I only wish he loves me for the way that I am and I wish I am the only woman he desires.
But no more. Its time to make some changes and it's not for him. I know I could never be his ideal woman. This new change and journey is for me alone. I have given my body to creating beautiful babies and had committed my body to them for 3years. Now, I just want to be and feel like a woman should be. Lately I've been studying this forum night and day and I have learned a lot. I really want to thank everyone for posting their experience and sharing their knowledge. I have considered NBE since my teen years, but never thought it would be possible. I have tried it once, but trashed the pills because I think I took too high a dose and had bad side effects. It really scared me so I tossed everything.
I am willing to give it another try and hopefully I too will be successfull like many of you. Currently I'm in the process of studying some individuals' program and ordering pills right now. I would love to have success like Chiyomilk, but I don't think I want to be that big. I must be realistic at the same time. It takes time and persistence, so I'll have to be patient. In the end I want to be healthy, beautiful and happy about who I am.
My husband and I have been married for 11yrs. It's amazing that we've been together for this long. He has a preference for girls with fuller body build and of course with bigger assets, if you know what I mean. I'm entirely the opposite. I'm really pettite. I'm only 4'9" tall, 89lb, slim and flat chested. 11yrs ago when we first were married, while foreplay, he was holding my breasts in his palms and said,"I wish these were bigger." It destroyed me. He said he was sorry many times, but I never got over it. I love him just the way his body is, I don't understand why he can't do the same for me?! Sure he says he loves me, but if he doesn't love the way my body looks and still yearn for other women, then "I love you" means nothing. I don't get it. Why stay with a woman you don't desire?
Just this past year, while I was 4mo postpartum, he had a crush on a model that he was shooting in a couple photography session. We usually are logged in Facebook all the time on the iPad and so I was able to read his messages. Anyways, in one message his friend they were talking about girls and he had said he likes that girl that had modeled for a car shoot. She was his type and he would do her in a heartbeat. I was so devastated. No wonder he kept talking about her to me. He was in love with her. I confronted him about and he said he was sorry and that it was just guy talk and nothing more. I know that is how he truly feels. I am not the woman of his desire and I know I could never be. Then why stay with me?
There's been many times that we've almost separated because he didn't want to be with me. The only thing that kept him coming back to me and staying with me was because he did not want to see me with another man! Now his excuse is, he wants us to be together for the girls and that it's embarrassing to be divorced after being married for so long and with kids. I know his decisions will change one day when he finds a younger and bustier girl. It doesn't mean anything anymore when he says, "I love you." To me they are empty promises. I stay with him, because I love him with all my heart, body and soul, otherwise I wouldn't have any children with him. I only wish he loves me for the way that I am and I wish I am the only woman he desires.
But no more. Its time to make some changes and it's not for him. I know I could never be his ideal woman. This new change and journey is for me alone. I have given my body to creating beautiful babies and had committed my body to them for 3years. Now, I just want to be and feel like a woman should be. Lately I've been studying this forum night and day and I have learned a lot. I really want to thank everyone for posting their experience and sharing their knowledge. I have considered NBE since my teen years, but never thought it would be possible. I have tried it once, but trashed the pills because I think I took too high a dose and had bad side effects. It really scared me so I tossed everything.
I am willing to give it another try and hopefully I too will be successfull like many of you. Currently I'm in the process of studying some individuals' program and ordering pills right now. I would love to have success like Chiyomilk, but I don't think I want to be that big. I must be realistic at the same time. It takes time and persistence, so I'll have to be patient. In the end I want to be healthy, beautiful and happy about who I am.