[NotSoBusty]

I've been feeling a little down lately and need a little support and encouragement.

Don't get me wrong. I love NBE, the process, and all that I have learned about my body, but sometimes I break down. Seeing all the other girls in the world with large boobs, real or fake, is torture and it makes me envious and jealous to the core, deep in my bones. It practically gives me anxiety. Progress is so slow and gradual that sometimes I am ready to throw in the towel and get plastic surgery. I look up doctors, prices (it is surprisingly affordable, even more so than fat transfer!! UGH ), and look at how much bigger they could be. But then I go to sleep that night and imagine laying on my side with huge plastic sacks in my chest, and I realize how uncomfortable that would be and how much I don't want that, so I feel helpless.

In my opinion, plastic surgery has completely fucked up society's image of breasts, including sizes and the actual, real PURPOSE of breasts. I am completely susceptible to this social ill. I hate when I look at the sites, and they say that a woman went from a 32A (who was probably actually a B cup) to a 32C that looks like a full set of D's. There is no way that woman who is now an augmented "32C" can fit into one of my 32C bras!!!! It's like plastic surgeons have no concept of band size to bust measurement and just classify a particular, general size to a certain cup without any consideration of the woman's frame. It is so frustrating to see that "32C" and then look at my own breasts, and realize that to rest of the world, I am an A cup.

I just want a nice rack to balance out my body. My lack of boobs takes its toll on my entire self-image. I feel fat, and I am self conscious about various parts of my body because they aren't matched by my boobs. It's like a chain reaction that all starts with my breasts.

I broke down and bought a VS push-up bathing suit by the Gorgeous Collection, not the 2 cup increase one, but it has pretty dramatic/extreme lift. I am not a huge fan of crazy push-ups, because once they are taken off, *poof* goes the boobs, which are quickly replaced by shame and embarrassment. I put it on and felt amazing. I looked like I had very full C cups, and the chain reaction followed suit. I didn't feel self conscious about my broad shoulders, my deep rib-cage, my tummy, my butt, or my thighs. It all looked proportionate!!! I felt like I had my dream body, but as soon as I took it off, I felt like a disproportionate, chubby little boy again.

I want to get fat transfer so badly, but there are not any doctors in my area right now, and I do not have enough saved up. So, regardless, I have to continue with NBE until I have saved up enough for the procedure. Hopefully, by then, the procedure is more fine-tuned, researched, and affordable.

Sorry for the melodramatic rant, but sometimes this can just be so hard and I need to vent to someone other than my boyfriend, who "understands" but doesn't at the same time. My quest for breasts via NBE was driven by my own insecurity about their size. Like most of you, I have always longed to have big, beautiful breasts, and I always have felt like less of a woman. Lately, my insecurity has hit an all-time high, and my poor boyfriend is taking the brunt of it. I know that I have come a long way since the beginning, but sometimes it feels like my boobs are not actually growing, but rather bras are shrinking. It just blows my mind how some women just naturally grew perfect breasts, but some of us struggle and work so hard to get what they effortlessly were blessed with. It just seems unfair, but such is life.