17-06-2012, 19:39
Thank you karen,
for helping me figure this out. It's about changes in life, yes. Five years ago, I had a huge network at work, and another one downtown. After my divorce, it all stopped. The conflict right now is that I miss being a socialite, but I have also learned to enjoy holing up. Don't know which way to go yet, but I was certainly wondering what changed five years ago.
There were other things going on. The first six months, my ex was still doing construction work in her new house. I had a full time job and three teenagers to keep me more than busy. But later on, when things got more quiet around here, I didn't start networking again. Of course the daily toll of a bad marriage had stopped. Very few people made an effort to keep me on board during these six months, too. Yet I never really understood why this made me a loner, both at work and in my private life.
The day before yesterday, it suddenly occurred to me that hops may have had an effect. I took up to 6,000 mg in those days. I thought it was an easy experiment to try, but of course it wasn't. I may even try the opposite after my next tape day.
Thank you for pointing out that I shouldn't grab the quick emotional reward of being able to blame it all on the hops. Maybe the hard truth that I should have learned five years ago is that one or two good friends beat a few thousand people who say hi. Maybe I have changed. Maybe I should change something now, yes. Thinking about it, without worrying too much.
for helping me figure this out. It's about changes in life, yes. Five years ago, I had a huge network at work, and another one downtown. After my divorce, it all stopped. The conflict right now is that I miss being a socialite, but I have also learned to enjoy holing up. Don't know which way to go yet, but I was certainly wondering what changed five years ago.
There were other things going on. The first six months, my ex was still doing construction work in her new house. I had a full time job and three teenagers to keep me more than busy. But later on, when things got more quiet around here, I didn't start networking again. Of course the daily toll of a bad marriage had stopped. Very few people made an effort to keep me on board during these six months, too. Yet I never really understood why this made me a loner, both at work and in my private life.
The day before yesterday, it suddenly occurred to me that hops may have had an effect. I took up to 6,000 mg in those days. I thought it was an easy experiment to try, but of course it wasn't. I may even try the opposite after my next tape day.
Thank you for pointing out that I shouldn't grab the quick emotional reward of being able to blame it all on the hops. Maybe the hard truth that I should have learned five years ago is that one or two good friends beat a few thousand people who say hi. Maybe I have changed. Maybe I should change something now, yes. Thinking about it, without worrying too much.