[ShelaVenna]

I know that not every NBE user deals with self hatred, I have seen some amazing positive and self loving attitudes on this site that I am very envious of.

But there is definitely a proportion of us here who are insecure because of our chests, and we might hate ourselves, so this is a thread about that.

I am not a conventional beauty, but I can let that go. I'm moderately attractive enough in my own unique way and I'll live with my face.

When it comes to my breasts on the other hand, I can't let it go. Thoughts about it consume me. I hate myself.

Being a small breasted woman makes me feel unworthy, worthless, invisible and unwanted in society.

How could I ever feel sexy when a large breasted woman can look sexier in a basic baggy t-shirt than I could ever look in the most sensual lingerie?

It eats away at me, my self esteem is borderline nonexistant. I know that I'd be treated better with larger breasts, even a small taste with a pushup bra gives me this experience.

I long for all of the little things... I've dreamt of them since my failed puberty.

I constantly daydream about what I would look like with large breasts, what I would do if I had large breasts, how confident and happy I'd be with large breasts, what I would wear if I had large breasts. And then I look down at my own chest... and my heart breaks at how far away I am.

Sometimes I feel like I don't want to exist anymore. Not if I'm stuck like this. I envy natural chests over plastic ones which is why I'm here with NBE, but can I really hope for a miracle? If it takes plastic surgery to save my life, I guess I have to take it. I wish I was one of the lucky ones who didn't even have to THINK about enhancing my chest... if I'd only been given a natural full chest. My life would be so different and so would my self esteem.

I try to put up a positive facade here but I hate myself.

If you have similar feelings you can vent in the comments.

I apologize if I’m crossing some sort of line here, but have you spoken to a professional about this? I know not everyone has that opportunity, but it could be worth looking in to. If you already have, and you just need another safe place to vent, just ignore me. Maybe you already know this, but it seems like you might have body dysmorphia. Anorexia is what most people think of when they hear “body dysmorphia”, but it’s not the only kind. Just because you want to be curvy, which is the exact opposite of what most anorexics want, doesn’t mean your not dealing with very similar thoughts and fears. Maybe a psychologist, counselor, or support group who specializes in body dysmorphia can help you, even if they normally only work with people who have eating disorders. I don’t know about your financial situation, your insurance, or what country you live in, so I’m not sure if free or affordable counseling is available to you,  but it can’t hurt to check.