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NotSoBusty's Routine

(07-09-2012, 16:21)Babakins Wrote:  I personally don't have an issue with surgery but like you would hate feeling plastic lumps inside me and I would feel like I had cheated! I have always been teh flat one and even my best friend used to tease me about how flat chested I was. She incidentally got breast cancer and I helped her through the treatment but all teh time she would look at me and I knew she wondered why it had been her and not me. As she had beautiful boobs and I had none. We parted ways because she was not a happy person and I realised she had never wanted good things for me. It hurt a lot but I knew that I could not be put down by a person about my boobs.

I know quite a few people like that. It's sad isn't it? I'm sorry that you had to deal with a stinker like that. However, it shows that you hold higher standards for yourself than she does for herself. You, my lady, are more than your bra size!!!
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Hi busty!

I'm so sorry you were low for a little while there! I completely feel for you and what you wrote. I think some days I'm generally more anxious, and it often shows in my self-esteem and thoughts about my body. It can be pretty awful, especially if you have no one to vent to (thank goodness for this forum Shy ). I think my anxiety is pretty much just chemically decided in the brain, not necessarily that my boobs really are THAT small that the world is gonna end, you know? I've had to work pretty hard on my self-esteem these past few months, and I've understood so much more and feel so much better in general, but some days I'm right back down to where I started and no amount of trying to think and reason with myself will make it sink in on those days.

Quote:I love NBE, but some days it takes it's toll. I am working on my self esteem and really trying to chalk myself up to more than my bra size.
have you heard of the saying "we are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience" ? I don't know if you believe in a soul or spirit, but I find it very helpful to think in this way, as in I am not my body, I am a spirit/soul/consciousness within a body. As in, I am sooooooo much more than my body. In fact infinitely more than my body, more than I can even realize. But I think people tend to identify themselves with their body, and believe that their personal value is based on how they look (that's what I've had a tendency to think at least) . And this is of course has a lot to do with our very shallow society. Like you say, you are not your bra size. You are an amazing woman, but even more than that, you are an infinitely amazing being!
of course you've heard the saying "your body is your temple". As in it houses something much greater than the temple itself, and because of that, one should take care of and honor one's temple by being healthy etc, and even decorating it (with boobs if one can! Tongue ).
Thinking this way it is easier to understand that in fact, your body is such a gift. You literally lucked out with your body (and you, sexy mama you, definitely lucked out Big Grin ), and far beyond looks it does some really really incredible things. Even something simple that my feet carry me every day, or all the processes that go on without me even knowing is mind blowing, a lot of which scientists have no clue about.
I still want boobs now, just for the sake of having a proportionate body like you say, but i'm less about getting boobs because if I don't I am less worth than some woman with big boobs. But like you, lately I've been pretty low with my self-esteem, and I tend to forget that... ugh. Must be something in the air Tongue
Anyways, I hope you don't mind my babbling!!
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(13-09-2012, 03:09)gilly Wrote:  have you heard of the saying "we are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience" ? I don't know if you believe in a soul or spirit, but I find it very helpful to think in this way, as in I am not my body, I am a spirit/soul/consciousness within a body. As in, I am sooooooo much more than my body. In fact infinitely more than my body, more than I can even realize. But I think people tend to identify themselves with their body, and believe that their personal value is based on how they look (that's what I've had a tendency to think at least) . And this is of course has a lot to do with our very shallow society. Like you say, you are not your bra size. You are an amazing woman, but even more than that, you are an infinitely amazing being!

Totally plus-plus this! (I'm a geek, okay!)

This is also where a lot of peoples hang ups are with transgender. They seem to think that because a given body looks a certain way, the soul that resides in that body must also be a certain way. This is anything but true!

I don't care what the body I was born with says. I am a woman. I'm going to do everything I can to help the world see the outside as matching the inside, but I am a woman. I don't NEED my outside to match the inside to be more a woman than I already am. More like other women. I'd certainly like it to though!

So yeah. NotSoBusty. You are a wonderful wonderful person. And a gorgeous woman. Live it! Big Grin

You know... I just had a crazy thought. Maybe because of my... past... I have a greater affinity for recognizing the soul of a person and not pay as much attention to how they look. I can quite honestly tell you that I truly don't need to meet a person to know what kind of person they are. And quite often the way they look when I finally do meet them is like whoa. I totally had a different image in my mind! And quite often my mental image was far far more flattering... Blush
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Rainbow 

...I don't know what I just stumbled into, but these stories and life lessons are about to bring tears to my eyes!!! Blush

NotSoBusty Wrote:I just want a nice rack to balance out my body. My lack of boobs takes its toll on my entire self-image. I feel fat, and I am self conscious about various parts of my body because they aren't matched by my boobs. It's like a chain reaction that all starts with my breasts.

THIS. This explains me exactly. I've been so depressed lately, caught up in all this mess. Worrying about if this is it, are my boobs done growing for good now? Am I just wasting money? Is my butt done growing, too? Why won't my stomach pudge going away, I'm doing everything right. I'm so worried about ever reaching my dream body that I've completely lost sight of everything amazing I've accomplished so far through this. I thought NBE would be a spiritual growing process for me, but instead, I've gone the other way and become even more shallow about my appearance. Today I got hit on by a girl at a pizza parlor. She called me "beautiful". I'm so down on myself, come out into public looking a hot mess and this stranger can call me beautiful. What am I missing here? Why can't I see this at all? There's so much more to me than my body, and for some reason, when I look into a mirror, all I ever feel is disgust. I've actually thoroughly considered taking a break from NBE for a while just to try to get things in perspective. However, I'm stubborn, and determined, so I don't know that I'll ever stop going after this perfect body I see in my head. It's really tearing me down. The worst part is, this is all on top of the depression I already have from my current living situation.

But, after reading all this, I'm really starting to think differently about this already. I really should be doing this for myself, not for my appearance. This should be a personal goal, not just the necessity to fit in. I need to figure out what I really want, not what society wants. Because I know that no matter what, my mind will constantly be changing, and I'll keep finding something wrong with my body. I'll wake up some days and want a voluptuous, curvy body. Then some days, I'll wake up and wish I was petite like a cute, small Asian girl. And other days, I'll wake up wishing I was never female to begin with. But wanting these things in the short term doesn't mean they will ever be reality, and I need to just start learning to love what I've been given to live in.

You girls really have put so much more thought into the spiritual aspect of this, and I really think that's where I've been missing out. I need to stop measuring my worth by my body measurements. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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(13-09-2012, 06:13)Doll Wrote:  This should be a personal goal, not just the necessity to fit in. I need to figure out what I really want, not what society wants. Because I know that no matter what, my mind will constantly be changing, and I'll keep finding something wrong with my body. I'll wake up some days and want a voluptuous, curvy body. Then some days, I'll wake up and wish I was petite like a cute, small Asian girl. And other days, I'll wake up wishing I was never female to begin with. But wanting these things in the short term doesn't mean they will ever be reality, and I need to just start learning to love what I've been given to live in.

And even if, as a personal goal, you never actually reach it... Don't be hard on yourself about it! You're an incredible person. Incredibly healthy. Incredibly beautiful. Just the way you are.

How many women these days are incredibly obese. Or anorexic? At least you're not in either of those categories...
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Thank you ladies for all of your kind words, input, and unbelievable inspiration. I am so glad to have this forum, because this sense of camaraderie really keeps me going and helps keep me grounded.

@gilly,
You are completely right. Our bodies are amazing entities that deserve the viewed and treated as such. We are not objects defined by our bra sizes! Thank you so much for your inspiring thoughts and ideas. Thanks for reminding me to take care of my body, my wonderful temple and gift. Like you, I still want boobs for now, but I think I need to focus more on exercising, toning, and making sure that my body is healthy and my mind is positive. Boobs will come along the way, I am sure of it!!

@AbiDrew,
I think you are on to something. We have such rigid views in our society about what a "woman" is and what images we can assign to being a "woman." There is more to being a woman than your measurements and your body, and I think we all need to remember that from time to time. A woman, of any shape, size, or ethnicity, is a beautiful thing inside and out. It's a shame that the objectification of women has planted the seed in our minds of what a "woman" is. You go girl!!

@Doll,
I read your posts a lot, as I relate to them easily, and I have to say that you seem like an incredible person. You are clearly intelligent, you are caring, and you are driven (NBE takes devotion!!). I chase after that "perfect" body that is in my head, as well, but lately I am really working on accepting my body as it is now, living in it happily, and working toward a better future with the best version of my body. You cannot strive to be like someone else, or you will go crazy!! Trust me, I have. Blush You should be proud of everything that you have achieved with all your hard work, because it is amazing. Don't get so down on yourself!! Your hard work will pay off in incredible ways!


News in the realm of NBE:

I am at the end of my first cycle back on PM. I have measured a few times, and it seems like either no growth or about 1/2". That is okay though, because I feel changes in my breasts, and they are fitting in my bras better. I actually wore my "swelling/measuring" bra the other day, because it was comfortable and fit really well. It is a completely unpadded 34B. Like I have said before, 34 bands will never fit right because the bands are just way too big, but it was comforting to know that it could fit well, comfortably, and be held in place because my breasts fit into the cups sufficiently. I also brushed the dust off of my very first "inspiration" bra that my sister gave me about 6 years ago. It is a hot pink, VS balconet push-up in 34B, and it used to look SO HUGE to me. Now it fits like a glove!! Wink SO, changes are happening whether the tape says it or not. I think I can finally classify myself as a small 32C. My breasts are now more than a handful for me. My new measuring bra is an unpadded 32C from Forever 21 that fits, but there is still a little room to be filled up. I am hoping that I can fill it up by December!

This month my routine was as follows:
Days 1-14:
1 Ainterol PM pill twice a day
1 Gelatin Pill
1 MSM pill
1 Vitamin C
1 Multi-Vitamin
1 Calcium, Magnesium, Zinc
1 Ginko Biloba twice a day
6 gHP sport pills in the morning (this is for exercise purposes)
Days 15-start of period:
Everything is the same as above, except I do not take PM, but rather 3 Greenbush Enhancement blend capsules and 2 Greenbush Fennel Capsules.

I am starting to run out of things, such as my luteal phase herbs, so this month will be interesting. I may experiment with a low dose of PM in the luteal phase.

Oh, and also, I have only noogled a handleful of times since the move, but I have moved onto the large domes now! The mediums just feel too narrow/small for my chest, and plus, I am now fitting the larges like the mediums used to fit me. I am filling them up halfway, and they don't slide around or lose suction anymore! Yay! So, ladies, do not get discouraged if the measuring tape shows no difference, because it is not the be-all-end-all! Changes are happening! Slowly but surely...
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OH! And also, I have been doing a lot of research for my new program that I will start around January. I think I will be switching back to herbs, whether I do WonderUp or Greenbush.
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Wow this is such a wonderful thread and as Doll put it so well, it is bringing tears to the eyes. I am very thankful that I stumbled upon the kind hearts and souls on here. I feel particularly touched because I believe very strongly in spirituality and particularly in angels.

Busty, you're lovely, you say such sweet things and exude a kindness that is very rare in teh world these days.

Doll I hear what you say because I suffer from very low self esteem for being criticised and unloved as I grew up. I focussed too much on my looks because I was often bullied, so if anyone now tells me I am pretty I have been known to cry.

AbiDrew you strike me as the least judgemental person I have spoken to in a long time and just want to help people regardless. You are optimistic no matter what and so clever.

I don't know, life is hard, we are often struggling but my beliefs are that we choose our life before we come into the world and that includes the trials that ensure the growth of our souls. I learn each day but I still cry and feel hurt but ultimately it always works out in the end. I have just turned 39 today (42 minutes ago) and yet I feel as though I have achieved very little in my life.

What I am trying to say is that there is a lot wrong in the world and in many people's lives but we still have much to be grateful for. I want to find peace, that's all. After that nothiing else matters.

Apologies for waffling also I am quite confused!!!
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(16-09-2012, 00:41)Babakins Wrote:  AbiDrew you strike me as the least judgemental person I have spoken to in a long time and just want to help people regardless. You are optimistic no matter what and so clever.

Aww. Thank you, but I'm not so sure of the optimism... it's more just plain mule-headed stubbornness I think. Blush

(16-09-2012, 00:41)Babakins Wrote:  I don't know, life is hard, we are often struggling but my beliefs are that we choose our life before we come into the world and that includes the trials that ensure the growth of our souls.

More plus-plusing! I am absolutely certain I chose what I'm going through. There's no way I'm a mistake. Or a "simple" mutation. Or whatever. God had a nice little sit down with me before sending me down here and said, "Look, Abi, I have a mission for you, it'll hurt a lot lot more than most, but if you take it..." And I took it. I actually wrote a poem about this a while back... Well. More a psalm. But I don't think it'd be appropriate to paste the entire thing in here, it's kinda long - like 550 words or so, but I could link to it: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/32...-hie-kolob

I still don't know WHY I'm going through this, nor what my reward will be... but that doesn't matter. What matters is that yes, we each chose our lives, and whatever trials we each face, whatever mission He has for us. We chose to take it. It's up to us to take what we've been given and come out of it greater than we went in.

How exactly NBE fits into this... That's for you - each individually - to decide. For me, it's about helping the world to see the beautiful feminine soul inside. God gave me my body. He also gave me my brain. He also gave me all the wonderful tools at my disposal. It would be wrong not to take advantage of every gift I've been given. That includes NBE Big Grin
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Abi that is truly beautiful, such a raw and heartfelt piece of writing!!!
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