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Hello to everybody.

I really need some advice. I can't talk to anybody about this problem.
I'll start at the beginning: I have a wonderful boyfriend. We are together since 2 years and we live together for about 1 year now (before we onyl saw each other on the Weekends).
And there's one big Problem (really big): his best friend. Let's call him M.
The day I met my boyfriend was the day I met M, too. But I don't really paid some attention to him, I was way more attracted to my boyfriend (if not to say I've even not noticed M...).
My boyfriend and me began to date and fell in love and so on. Whenever I met M (from time to time, when we went out with my boyfriends friends) there was something "in the air" - a very strong sympathie. I really like M, he's cute and he has my sense of humour.
From time to time I thought about M - But I've never really paid attention to him - i was too lucky with my bf.

And then my bf and I got Problems... The usual things - household etc. We had our fights ...
One day we invited M to our flat. We drank some alcohol and we had so much fun... I had great talks with him. Really.
Two weeks later we went out with his best friend. M was so cute, we had so much fun, we laughed, we talked so much. He carried me on his back from pub to pub.
We hugged very often and I felt so comfortable. I felt so attracted to him... I noticed I was jealous when M talked to a Girl he knows - but of course I didn't show it. I went downstairs and then M called my name and took my hand. (My boyfriend waited in the car)
When we drove home, I lied on his shoulder and fell asleep. Good, I swear, it was wonderfull! And he didn't pull me away- so he don't felt uncomfortable, did he? Wouldn't he pulled me away if he had felt uncomfortable?

From this night on, I couldn't stop thinking about him! You should know - the night was 3 months ago! And I thought about M nearly every day... I thought it was just a phase/stage. Because I really love my BF. He's cute, adorable, he tries everything to make me happy. I'm lucky to have him. So lucky.
One week ago - from one day to another - I stopped thinkíng about M. I focused on my bf and my relationship. Everything was fine.
And then this saturday my bf got a Invitation to a birthday Party - and guess who was there - M.
When he greet me, my heart sank into my boots. God, i was nervous... I couldn't face looking at M for the next hour. But I could saw him starring at me every other second. really strange.
Then he sat down beside me and my by and we talked (ok my bf and M talked more than I talked with M). The whole group decided to go to a pub and my bf and me sat down right beside M. After a while my bf went outside and M was right beside me. We talked. A lot. And we laughed. I wrote M on FB one time (it was a mistake when I was drunk - I thought if I could ask him sth. And when he said fine, I didn't replied and then he asked me again what I'd like to ask him, but I just said that it doesn't matter)- so at this night he asked me what I wanted to ask him (gosh it was 2 month ago, why did he still remember it?)... M even does know when my birthday is - I didn't tell him. And it is not on FB. He told me that he told my BF that he should never ever let me go, because he is so lucky to have such a Girl. He mentioned that he does not know any other Girl that is that beautiful, intelligent, cute and sexy. Gosh...
On the other hand I told him that my bf is jealous about him and me and he just replied "There is no reason to be"

At the end of the night we ended up in a taxi - like last time .. but he slept on my shoulder...

God, I feel so guilty about it all.. But I can't get M out of my mind. I love my bf, but we have so much Trouble at the Moment.
And M? I can't think about anything else at the Moment - it's so hard.
Has anyone here ever been in a similiar Situation?
I feel so guilty.
Please don't judge me... I really Need some advice. It's not nice that I think about M all the time - think of kissing him, think of being together with him. I don't even know if he has a crush on me too or on some other Girl. But does it really matter? I have my wonderfull BF!

I'm sorry it is such a long text.

Thanks for any help in advance1

No judgement here. I've made decisions I'm not proud of. I've been in your shoes before although the guy wasn't my significant others friend.

It's really easy to think the grass is greener on the other side. Especially when you're having issues and you've been with someone for a long time. The newness wears off. You see sides of the person you're with that you didn't notice in the beginning.

I don't think you're really as attracted to M as you think you are. M is attractive and he makes you feel good. It's easy to get caught up in the feeling of excitement and flattery that he gives you. He's new, he's mysterious. You haven't seen "those" sides of him yet. The biggest mistake you can make is getting these feelings mixed up with love. Another thing too is that if M were a man worth your time he wouldn't be after a girl who is in a relationship. Especially one that is dating his friend. He should have more loyalty to your boyfriend and more respect for you than that.

If you truly aren't happy then leave. You deserve happiness. But do it of your own accord... Not to be with someone else who may leave you missing what you had!

Best of luck to you sweetie

(26-05-2014, 06:52 PM)echapman Wrote: [ -> ]No judgement here. I've made decisions I'm not proud of. I've been in your shoes before although the guy wasn't my significant others friend.

It's really easy to think the grass is greener on the other side. Especially when you're having issues and you've been with someone for a long time. The newness wears off. You see sides of the person you're with that you didn't notice in the beginning.

I don't think you're really as attracted to M as you think you are. M is attractive and he makes you feel good. It's easy to get caught up in the feeling of excitement and flattery that he gives you. He's new, he's mysterious. You haven't seen "those" sides of him yet. The biggest mistake you can make is getting these feelings mixed up with love. Another thing too is that if M were a man worth your time he wouldn't be after a girl who is in a relationship. Especially one that is dating his friend. He should have more loyalty to your boyfriend and more respect for you than that.

If you truly aren't happy then leave. You deserve happiness. But do it of your own accord... Not to be with someone else who may leave you missing what you had!

Best of luck to you sweetie

Thanks for your reply echapman!
Sometimes you really need a different view from someone who is not involved in all that "Drama".
You helped me to see thing in a different view.
It's true that the newness is washed off. Everything is commonplace now. But I love him my bf, even though... And he loves me!

I hope I'll get M out of my mind soon. The day after we went to the birthday Party, I really thought M and me could be friends and that I can conform to be just friends. I thought M is just like a big brother to me.

Don't know what happened than Maybe these fights (in the Moment me and my bf are fighting daily) let me dream of a relationship to M?

Thanks a lot echapman! :-)

OK think how you would feel if your bf was like this with your friend M sounds like not such a great guy if he'd try steal his friends woman think if your friend was flirting with your bf what would you think of her?( I'm sure not how nice person she is) I think your just enjoying the attention from someone other than your boyfriend because its 'exciting' not so much that you want him more than your boyfriend because there are problems maybe your holding negative feelings for him you need to think about your problems and either let it go and work things out because its bad to have serious thoughts of others and not fair on either of you or move on probably not with m.
I hope everything is OK its good you could ask on here.

(26-05-2014, 07:15 PM)uhuccup Wrote: [ -> ]

(26-05-2014, 06:52 PM)echapman Wrote: [ -> ]No judgement here. I've made decisions I'm not proud of. I've been in your shoes before although the guy wasn't my significant others friend.

It's really easy to think the grass is greener on the other side. Especially when you're having issues and you've been with someone for a long time. The newness wears off. You see sides of the person you're with that you didn't notice in the beginning.

I don't think you're really as attracted to M as you think you are. M is attractive and he makes you feel good. It's easy to get caught up in the feeling of excitement and flattery that he gives you. He's new, he's mysterious. You haven't seen "those" sides of him yet. The biggest mistake you can make is getting these feelings mixed up with love. Another thing too is that if M were a man worth your time he wouldn't be after a girl who is in a relationship. Especially one that is dating his friend. He should have more loyalty to your boyfriend and more respect for you than that.

If you truly aren't happy then leave. You deserve happiness. But do it of your own accord... Not to be with someone else who may leave you missing what you had!

Best of luck to you sweetie

Thanks for your reply echapman!
Sometimes you really need a different view from someone who is not involved in all that "Drama".
You helped me to see thing in a different view.
It's true that the newness is washed off. Everything is commonplace now. But I love him my bf, even though... And he loves me!

I hope I'll get M out of my mind soon. The day after we went to the birthday Party, I really thought M and me could be friends and that I can conform to be just friends. I thought M is just like a big brother to me.

Don't know what happened than Maybe these fights (in the Moment me and my bf are fighting daily) let me dream of a relationship to M?

Thanks a lot echapman! :-)

It's DEFINITELY the fights. I am telling you, I have been right where you are. The newness wears off, you argue... then you argue more because you're upset about arguing. You get used to each other so you start missing those butterflies and that affection you got when you first got together. Honey I know exactly how you're feeling.

Your best bet is to cut M off. Be polite, but stick close to your bf when you hang out. Avoid being alone. If he questions it, tell him you think your friendship has crossed a line and you would feel more comfortable if you stepped back for a bit.

As for your relationship. When something breaks in your home you don't buy a new house. You fix it. Find out what exactly your problems are... sometimes it's not at all what you think! I thought my husband had lost interest in me or felt less attracted to me. I beat myself up constantly over not being "his type" and I got depressed and very self-destructive. He was just stressed about work and because I have always been the positive one in our relationship my new negative attitude was completely throwing it off and making things worse! Things just kept escalating until we finally sat down and had a heart to heart.

Try to get back to the start, so to speak. Some nights it just takes getting a little extra dolled up even if it's just to watch movies around the house. Make a list of all the reasons you fell for your bf. Pick and choose your battles... sometimes you just have to say "I love you and I am not going to let this issue ruin our day, so let's move on and not argue about it." Which is hard because sometimes you really want to get mad and tell him why!

Bonita DD, i would feel bad and jealous about it. That's why I feel guilty - i don't want to hurt him, but I can't controll my thoughts.
Echapman, the thing with the house and that you try to fix it, is true.. Thanks for your tips. Relationships can sometimes be hard work, but hey, it's worth it.. I think I'll have to speak with my bf about certain things tomorrow (hopefully without arguing!).

You girls gave me another point of view. I needed that. Exactly that. Thank you.

don't cheat on your bf. even if you temporarily break up.