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Okay can it happen that you love(d) somebody(your partner) a lot and that by his behaviour your suddenly very very turned off? Im afraid that tomorrow we are kissing and cuttling again but i think I shouldnt do that anymore... he was like saying in a discussion( I called him sexist) and then he was like yes Im a sexist I fucked so many girls every week another ,I even fucked somebody's MUM....Im so so turned off by this...thereby hes constantly grabbing my boobies licking them etc ever since they are bigger....and for me it feels wrong after what he said I dont want to fuck with him never ever again...I mean it should be about love not sex as if its porn! I'm seriously stuck in my life...what have i begun by comitting to him..I could cry endlessly and still dont see a solution...I shouldnt be regretting that I have a kid with him but I am....its either with or without him,with a kid how is this supposed to work out!!!? I'm doomed so badly gosh!

edit: I actually dont know why Im bringing this here, but my heart feels like a rock...I have stomach pain Im tired and upset and above all very desperate.
Oh Hannah Hon, your partner sounds like an Ass. It's going to be hard, but you need to try and figure out a game plan. Your heart is telling you something, and you need to listen to it. There is a good chance this relationship is going to get a lot more painfull for you. You don't have to put up with anyone making you feel like an object. From your short message, it sounds like he is either playing around on you, or he is going to and he won't feel bad about it.

Can you talk to your parents at all ??
Thank you so much for your reply Jannet, it really means a lot to me!! Hes been a complete ass indeed, and my leg is hurt he threw the table towards me and my leg got stuck between the table just under my knee...I havent even been eating today.. And bc off him im jobless...but I've been letting it happen...afterwards hes manipulating me to make it up...but ive been yelling at him that he was manipulative and a sexist he came running at me what did you said and i was shaking on my feet...he didnt do anything luckily. But started using this intimidation...and the thing is....its starting at my son now too...he said hes trowing away his toys bc its too much and its laying in the way and he should just play in his room.....well I like seeing him play!! it opened my eyes that it wasnt me bc ive been trough this before with my dad....his dead now but I live on my own since 18....started living with my bf when I was 20...everything was fine until I got pregnant..im going through this for 3 years now.....and he made sure I became isolated....lost my home-town-living- my friends..yeh thats basically it... I have nobody now..
It sounds so bad for me when I read this...If I wouldnt have a little one with him..i could just go......but now its like if you go ill get you..or kill you both or ill take the little one and youll never see him again...All i can think off is complete change off identety or living in another country but where the fuck do i start...I have some money thats cool but then what.....he also said somebody is watching me anyhow even when hes at work so ill want even make it to the airport...But thats intimidation i guess... I just dont want to be accused for kidnapping.....and I dont want to loose my kid..and getting in a lawsuit will give him the time to do horrible things....

anyhow just thanks again sweetheart!
Oh, it breaks my heart to read that post. If your not happy, and he is being abusive, you have to keep in mind it's going to get worse, it all ways does. If there is a woman's shelter close to you, they will more than likely have a crisis worker in hand. At the very least, go and talk to them. In sure if you wanted, they could arrainge a shelter accomodation for you several hundred miles away from the abusive partner.

I see your in Europe, if it's mainland Europe, you could always just jump on a ferry and disappear into the UK.
It sounds as if he waited this long to say those messed up things, like after he thought you were stuck with him, by either the child, or after he got you to lose your job or friends.

Duff is right, his behavior is going to get worse, as it already has.

I don't know if it's a bluff that he has someone watching you. He's a control freak, so it is possible a control freak would go as far to have someone watch you, or he is using a bluff to manipulate you to the same effect. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to go through your stuff or get your child to talk to try to be a step ahead of you. You have to be vigilant, and not leave the slightest clue you're leaving.
(11-07-2016, 06:48 PM)jannet.duff Wrote: [ -> ]Oh, it breaks my heart to read that post. If your not happy, and he is being abusive, you have to keep in mind it's going to get worse, it all ways does. If there is a woman's shelter close to you, they will more than likely have a crisis worker in hand. At the very least, go and talk to them. In sure if you wanted, they could arrainge a shelter accomodation for you several hundred miles away from the abusive partner.

I see your in Europe, if it's mainland Europe, you could always just jump on a ferry and disappear into the UK.

I have never thought of the ferry...thats a brilliant idea!! hmm omg thatsworth considering.. it would be a way out..i would have to know a bit more about england..especially about work and salary and house renting.... a women shelter is no good idea in my case..ive never gathered evidence against him so together with a kid he has the right to know by law and willbe informed where we are...i also live in a country with jokingly low sentences...you can kill someone andbe free 15 years later...so its Not worth it going the attorney route i figured....i would love to stay in my own country if i can prefer.... also im just confused bc weve just made it up again.....its not healthy..im stupid...im a weakling and scared of losing my life my dog my belongings.....its like you tried to help Me and now im already back at square zero...waiting till something else terrible happensHuh
That's the roundabout of an abusive partner. Chances are with each episode the violence will get worse, as he extends more control over you. If your not married, I would sugest you just cut and run. Jump on the ferry, and go to a women's shelter in the UK, they won't tell your partner were you are. As the UK IS presently still part of Europe, you should be able to claim all the UK benefits, for a single mother and child. I feel for you, please take care.
Hi, Hannah,
Wish I'd seen sooner...

Ok, so - you're definitely in an abusive relationship at this point. That means you need to leave. Injuries are an escalation, and throwing furniture, etc - he's off his rocker for some reason.

You need to work out a "plan B" and even "C". Need friends, need a destination, and maybe even a change of identity for a bit. Private transit, bypassing customs. Come back in a few months under the same name you left with, and keep using it...

I'd suggest working out an online presence to make contacts somewhere else. Use an anonymizer, maybe an online Amazon image with TOR browser? Don't know the costs.

Can you siphon money to your accounts? (You DO have a private account, right?) Can you do some day trading? (Risky, but if you're home anyway, you could play with small amounts and if you get good, you could then count on it as an income stream...)
If you have access to American TV, check things like "Bar Rescue" and "Life or Debt" for ideas on improving your situation while you prepare.

With a good bankroll, you can disappear one day with limited or no trace. And the child and dog can be added as appropriate (E.G., child traveling with a friend, so you both escape notice. Dog is shipped by friends - even if you have to FIND that friend first. Shared child care would be a good start, and there are "mommy groups" that should fly under the radar.

You'll have to get good at acting. If you play this correctly, you can avoid issues AND walk away clean, into a new life. You just need to figure out how to be his "dream woman" (even if you'd rather claw your eyes out) for a while. Hoard funds.... Cheat, even, in terms of taking cash out at the grocery store. Say, you buy £35 or groceries, take out an additional £20. Stash it for future. Do it once the first month, twice the second, etc. "Lose" the cash. KEY warning: DO NOT flash it around, EVER. You don't have cash, period. Prices are just going up.


I'd also ask, what skills do you have? (No need to answer, it's to frame things.) You had a job; where is there a demand that there's a lack of workers? You have a CV/Resume, so you can target such a location and see about getting a job in advance. (Women's shelter might help.)

This is a war, you have to either go in to win, or give up - and that can mean severe injuries, both physical and psychological.
Does he have external stressors? Bad job, family issues, money issues, drinking problem, etc, etc, etc? Anything you can use to leverage is essential here, E.G., a blackout period could allow all sorts of compromising video or pictures, which could be leaked to Youtube or such just when you're ready to leave... And used as a threat beforehand.

Keep in mind, though, that while it looks like you're a victim, more likely you are actually in control in a way: you enable his behavior, whether you mean to or not. You need to start establishing boundaries. Try looking here:
http://www.mindfithypnosis.com/who-am-i-self-identity/
http://www.mindfithypnosis.com/who-am-i-...dentity/2/

You need to re-educate him. Maybe give him mind-blowing sex, but only when he plays it the way YOU want. E.G., if he paws at your breasts, he gets lousy dinner and cold shoulder. If he holds them gently, caresses them, he gets a great blowjob and sex as well... Several times. Maybe then you push him in other directions; look up "Femme your Hubby," the mechanics are sound. (Whether you use it as written or not is up to you.)

You need to find ways to put him into an insecure, but not fearful or violent, spot. Then you're able to steer the relationship more. I'd suggest, too, that you look into prostate massage, as I understand it can overcome male urges - it's even more intense. Also, more sex, more, sex, more sex - even if you hate it, pretend, and let him think he's great, until he just can't manage it any more. He'll exhaust himself, especially if he's energetic about it, and he'll get more prolactin (bonding hormone for men) - making him more devoted. Also, make him stay in afterwards, instead of pulling out to clean up. Make him hold you for a while. I don't know if it's true, but supposedly it'll cement the relationship and make him more pliable. (I have only had one experience with that, but she was so special already I can't say anything about it's veracity.)

Keep up with us, just to check in, so we know you're OK.
And prepare for the worst even while you make him think everything's wonderful....

-D
A lot of that is too much work, that it may set back the goal of leaving. You can encrypt files on your computer to prevent someone from seeing them, even though the password couldn't be broken in a million years, they can wait for a mistake to physically access it. But you also have to worry about him reading your online posts.

It looks like he intentionally waited this long, to show his true colors. But the truth is, you have to learn how to get by even without the luxury of friends. but who knows, maybe some would still be your friend, because you weren't the one they had a problem with, or maybe some would inform him or got manipulated by him to leave you as friends.
Han go to a doctor and show him any bruising you have. Tell the doctor what has happened and get it documented on paper. That way you can go to the police and have evidence send proof from your doctor- legal proof.
Ask to be put in protective custody or as I've said surely there are must be shelters BUT find one as far away as you can get!!! They should help with fare to get there and then help you rebuild your life. Where's this gonna end hannah?
You need to be careful ok. You need to get out.
Start contacting women's refuges in your country.
You guys make up again and then this happens again but worse than before. I told you what happened to my friend. Be careful k
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